Building Stronger Teams in Relationships with Dr. Tracy Dagleish

48 snips

Nov 3, 2025

Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, a clinical psychologist and couples therapist, shares her insights on navigating complex family dynamics. She discusses how family expectations can complicate relationships and emphasizes the importance of teamwork with your partner. Tracy introduces her Vault method to help couples clarify values and boundaries, reducing friction in decision-making. She highlights the impact of ADHD on family roles and offers practical strategies for reconnecting during conflicts, stressing the importance of vulnerability and apologies.

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INSIGHT

Caretaking Can Undermine Adult Partnership

Parents often continue caretaking patterns that block adult children's autonomy.
Healthy systems turn adult children toward their partner rather than dividing loyalties.

ADVICE

Design Systems For Each Partner's Brain

Build shared systems that account for how each partner's brain works and how tasks are remembered.
Don't take missed tasks personally; design execution supports for different styles.

ADVICE

Make The Problem Your Common Opponent

Shift from 'you vs me' to 'us vs the problem' to become a team against the issue.
Map roles and strengths so you play doubles, not singles, in everyday problems.

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Hey team!

Today I'm talking with Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, a clinical psychologist, couples therapist, and the author of You, Your Husband & His Mother.

She has spent almost two decades helping couples get unstuck from repeating the same old arguments and start building relationships that actually work in real life. And she also runs her own podcast, Dear Dr. Tracy.

In our conversation, we get into how our relationships don't exist in a vacuum, how family expectations shape our decisions, and why it's so important to be on the same team with your partner, especially when you're juggling extended family, ADHD, and a few generational differences in "how things are done." We also get into setting values-based boundaries, navigating conflict without turning it into a blame game, and using small moments to rebuild connection when everything feels off balance.

If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/255

YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/y835cnrk

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/HackingYourADHD

This Episode's Top Tips

1. Work on shifting from "Me vs. You" to "Us vs. the Problem" mentality. This shift in mindset can completely change how a couple navigates conflict. By reframing the conflict, you turn what could've been another argument into a shared problem. And I do want to add on here as well that this is a learned skill and takes time to develop, but is well worth doing.
2. Boundaries aren't about controlling someone else's behavior; they're about choosing how you'll respond. We often sabotage our own boundaries by overexplaining them, giving people justifications that sound like permission to debate our choices. You can't stop someone from knocking, but you can decide whether you'll open the door.
3. Try building a "Roadmap" of each other's regulation styles. While everyone has a different way of dealing with stress (and with ADHD, emotional regulation can be unpredictable), knowing them in advance can help prevent some frustrating moments.