The Catholic Coaching Podcast 31. When Love Is Not Love
Feb 25, 2021
They examine how wanting someone to change can be mistaken for true love. They explore freedom, manipulation, and why forceful approaches backfire. Practical steps are shared for detaching from control, praying rightly, and becoming a conduit of grace. Real-life examples like family and relationships illustrate the pitfalls and healthier responses.
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Love Means Willing The Other's Good
- Love is willing the good of the other for the other's sake, not for how it makes you feel.
- The hosts cite the Catechism and Aristotle, stressing love must respect the other's freedom and not seek personal affirmation.
You Cannot Love By Removing Freedom
- Love always requires freedom and cannot coexist with coercion, manipulation, or ultimatums.
- Matt emphasizes that if you try to force change you violate freedom and the act ceases to be loving and loses God's charity.
Use Aquinas' Threefold Moral Test First
- Evaluate actions using intention, object, and circumstances before trying to change someone.
- Matt references Thomas Aquinas: a good intention can be ruined by a coercive or manipulative object, making the act immoral.