A New Way of Being You Can't Say No Without Explaining? Here's Why
Feb 6, 2026
A deep look at why over-explaining often comes from feeling unsafe being misunderstood. They trace how childhood beliefs link approval to worth and fuel people-pleasing. The conversation explores meeting shame and not-enough feelings with presence and compassion. Practical focus is on clarifying boundaries and saying no from inner love rather than seeking approval.
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Over-Explaining Signals An Inner Fear
- Over-explaining isn't about clarity but about avoiding the fear of being misunderstood and rejected.
- Simon Mundie shows this behaviour is learned, not innate, by comparing adults to children and pets who don't over-explain.
Child And Pet Example Of Unfiltered Boundaries
- Simon Mundie describes his two-year-old daughter who says 'no' without explaining or guilt.
- He uses the child's and his cat's unapologetic behaviour to illustrate a pre-ego naturalness adults lose.
Approval Is Mistaken For Love
- The ego often confuses approval with love, leading children to personalize instructions as 'I'm not enough'.
- Disapproval feels like withdrawal of love and seeds behaviours aimed at keeping others happy to stay safe.