The Simplicity Parenting Podcast with Kim John Payne #21: Consequences VS Cooperation – Solving the fine “whatever!” reaction – Part One (Simplicity Diary)
Nov 29, 2018
Kim John Payne dives into the challenges of parenting, focusing on why traditional consequences often backfire. He shares insights on how children develop negotiation skills and the pitfalls of bargaining. Stories illustrate how kids perform cost-benefit analyses, ignoring threats and escalating demands. Kim emphasizes that conditional consequences can create choices, potentially undermining family connections. Expect valuable strategies for fostering cooperation and accountability in the next discussion.
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Consequences Often Erode Over Time
- Consequences work short-term but lose power as children build 'consequence calluses'.
- Kim John Payne observes this approach is rooted in 1970s–80s behavior modification theory.
Supermarket Bargain Backfires
- A child bargained in a supermarket saying 'I'll do it for three cookies and a soda' and the mother countered weakly.
- Payne recounts this to show how bargaining undermines authority and exhausts parents.
Kids Run Cost‑Benefit Analyses
- Children perform quick cost-benefit analyses and sometimes accept punishments if the cost is low.
- Payne gives examples like refusing lasagna or Sophie visits to illustrate this point.