Finding Brave 282: Power Gap #7: Allowing Past Pain and Challenge To Continue to Shape You (Part of Kathy's series The Most Powerful You)
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Please note: This is a special rerun of Episode 130.
"You are not your past. You are all of it, your past, present, and future. So do the work to release the shame, the humiliation, and the negative judgments you have about yourself. Release yourself." – Kathy Caprino
Over the past several years on Finding Brave, I've offered some key information about what I've observed are the 7 most damaging power and confidence gaps along with key chapters from my latest book, The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Bliss. Some time back, I offered a series of 7 podcasts dedicated to these gaps that negatively impact 98% of professional women today, and 90% of men, preventing them from reaching their highest potential, and their happiest, most rewarding success and fulfillment.
In this 7th installment of that series, I share the power gap that may be closest to my own heart and soul. I'm talking about how we unwittingly allow past trauma, pain and challenges that we've experienced to continue to shape and define us. And this unwanted pain and shame often brings to our lives unwanted experiences.
I have lived this in such a deep way (and continue to work on it - as you'll hear in my upcoming interview, Episode #286 with Finnian Kelly - who helped me right on the show uncover a very painful trauma memory from when I was a teen, and connect that to some mindset (and behavioral) challenges I still have around money, work and safety.
I never fully recognized this Power Gap (of how our past continues to shape and define us unless we gain fuller awareness of the trauma and pain events/experiences and work committedly to overcome and release them) until I became a therapist and started doing the work on myself and with others to help us heal.
Unfortunately, life can hurt us badly sometimes and leave deep scars, and no one is immune. Every single one of us has experienced some form of pain, suffering, sadness, isolation, rejection, and trauma in our lifetimes. Many have experienced and witnessed things that alter how they see the world and operate within it. Sometimes, pain and hardship make us close down and stop trusting others.
Other times, it makes us turn our pain into rage and violence against the world. Yet some people, while crushed by their pain for a time, are able to find a way to become more of who they really are at their core – more loving, compassionate, hopeful, helpful, generous, insightful, brave, committed, and resilient and joy-filled — through all of it. And some are fortunate to know exactly how to turn their emotional challenges into new ways to be of service in the world so they can uplift others while expanding themselves.
I sincerely hope that my "The Most Powerful You" series (for content on the other 6 gaps, check out Episodes #124 through #129) is enlightening, and in conjunction with my book and video training program, can help you uncover any power and confidence gaps that may be holding you back at this very moment.
As always, thank you for listening and I would be so happy to hear your feedback on not just this episode, but the entire series and The Most Powerful You book.
Remember that tremendous success, joy, and reward aren't just reserved for a handful of people, but everyone, including you. You are worthy of an amazing life and career, and it's waiting for you. If you'd like to know which, if any, of the Power Gaps you may be facing today, take my quick Power Gap quiz.
Highlights from this Episode:
- How trauma appears in our lives, and why it's so damaging to hold onto [4:10]
- What trauma really is, and how every single one of us has experienced it [4:45]
- How becoming aware of your trauma will benefit all aspects of your life including your career [6:50]
- A powerful example of someone who has transformed her trauma into growth and a life of service to others [8:40]
- The impact and harm your childhood can continue to have in your life as you get older [17:00]
- Why insight into our trauma alone isn't enough to overcome it and what is needed to move forward to healing [18:02]
- Examples of common workplace trauma that I often see in the people that I work with [18:20]
- What steps you can take to start getting on what I call "the brave healing path" [20:55]
- The specific questions to ask yourself as you embark on your own journey to awareness [33:30]
For More Information:
https://mostpowerfulyou.com/videotraining
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathycaprino
https://www.facebook.com/ElliaCommunications
https://twitter.com/kathycaprino
https://www.instagram.com/kathycaprino/
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Career & Leadership Breakthrough 6-session program
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Resources Mentioned Today:
The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Bliss Official Website (with Trailer)
Order the book at https://kathycaprino.com/mostpowerfulyoubook to become the most powerful version of you and reach your highest, most thrilling potential.
Kathy's Amazing Career Project
Sign Up For Kathy's LinkedIn Newsletter, The Finding Brave Circle and her personal newsletter
Her Power Gaps Survey & Her TEDx Talk, Time To Brave Up
Kathy's FREE Career Path Self-Assessment Survey
Finding Brave podcast full series on The Most Powerful You - 7 Power and Confidence Gaps:Episode 124: Power Gap #1: Not Recognizing Your Special Talents and Abilities
Episode 125: Power Gap #2: Communicating from Fear Not Strength
Episode 126: Power Gap #3: Reluctance to Ask for What You Deserve
Episode 127: Power Gap #4: Isolating from Influential Support
Episode 128: Power Gap #5: Acquiescing Instead of Saying "Stop" To Mistreatment
Episode 129: Power Gap #6: Losing Sight of Your Most Thrilling Dream
Episode 130: Power Gap #7: Allowing The Past To Continue to Define You
Lynn Carroll (The Therapy Space)
Cheryl Hunter's Appearance on Finding Brave & Her TEDx Talk, Wabi Sabi: The Magnificence of Imperfection
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
Kathy's Forbes Blog with Chip Conley, How Midlife Professionals Can Leverage Their Age, Wisdom And Experience More Powerfully At Work
QUOTES:
"The very first thing I want you to understand is that you're not silly, you're not foolish and you're not weak to be feeling what you feel. It's often trauma." [6:05]
"How you integrate what happens to you in your own identity is going to shape not just your personal life and relationships, but your professional life and your career success." [6:59]
"There are traumatic events that happen in our life, absolutely, but once they happen there are steps you can take to grab back control of your life." [12:20]
"It's one thing to have insight, but it's not enough. Insight doesn't change your life. Brave action does." [18:06]
"The problem with these "dirty little secrets" is that if you do not address them with your eyes wide open, they grow bigger and more destructive. They send you underground and they eat at you." [24:54]
"Often the Universe is doing you a favor by kicking you out of a horrible job and a toxic ecosystem." [30:20]
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