Misha Bonaventura: What To Do When Kink Goes Wrong

May 9, 2025

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In sex-positive communities, how do we hold each other with care when things go wrong? In this vital episode, Eamon and Madeline dive deep with educator and consent specialist Misha Bonaventura to unpack the risks, responsibilities, and real talk behind conscious kink.

In this episode, Eamon and Madeline talk with Misha about how to navigate harm in sex-positive spaces with clarity, care, and community. They cover how to respond when you’ve caused harm, and why most trauma comes from how we react, not what happens. They dive into consent as an art form, kinky communication that stays hot while staying safe, and how to educate communities before cleanup is needed. You'll also hear about the Bonobo Network’s approach to party protocols, the limitations of pod processes, and the emerging role of accountability coaching. Whether you're a Dom, sub, party host, or just playing with power, this one’s essential.

Misha Bonaventura is a sex-positive coach, conflict educator, and social change agent at SoulPlay Festival. Formerly a co-leader of San Francisco’s Bonobo Network, Misha brings years of experience developing consent protocols, facilitating community repair, and supporting those impacted by harm through trauma-informed, heart-forward processes.

Links:

Misha Bonaventura: www.mishabonaventura.com
Bonobo Network: BonoboNetwork.com
SoulPlay Festivals: SoulPlay.co
Bonobo policy docs: http://bit.ly/bonobodocuments
Mischa Byruck Evolve Men: https://www.evolve.men/

Timestamps:

(05:00) – Misha’s journey into sex-positive community and personal power
(11:00) – The Bonobo Network origin story & creating safer sexual spaces
(16:00) – Consent education as culture-building
(20:00) – The art of sexy, poetic, ongoing consent
(28:00) – Risk awareness in kink and navigating edgy play
(31:00) – What to do when a scene goes wrong: Whoopsies vs harm
(36:00) – How to respond if you’ve caused harm (templates & nervous system tips)
(49:00) – When should a community intervene?
(53:00) – The limits of pod processes and emerging best practices
(56:00) – Spiritual resilience after being harmed & the slow arc of healing
(01:01:00) – Leading community with care: carrots, values, and clear boundaries
(01:06:00) – Best-in-class resources and next steps