154: Somatic Healing: How to Heal Your Relationships By Healing Your Trauma | Diane Poole Heller PhD

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Early attachment might be damaging your relationships without you noticing it.

There’s a reason insight alone doesn’t change your relationships, and it has everything to do with your body. You can understand your patterns, name your attachment style, and still feel unable to respond differently when it matters most. That gap between knowing and doing is where somatic healing, attachment theory, and nervous system regulation start to make sense in a lived way. 

Dr. Diane Poole Heller, a pioneer in somatic psychology and attachment work, discusses why trauma doesn’t just live in memory, but in physiology. She shares how early relational imprints shape everything from emotional regulation to intimacy, and why those patterns can change when the body is included in the process.

We also unpack what actually builds secure attachment, why repair is more important than perfection, and how unresolved trauma shows up as disconnection, overwhelm, or withdrawal. This conversation challenged the idea that healing is cognitive and pointed to a more embodied path forward.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same relational loops, this will help you understand why.

You’ll learn:

[00:00] Introduction

[03:12] Why trauma in the body shapes how you relate in real time

[07:08] How early attachment imprints drive adult patterns outside awareness

[12:14] What happens in your nervous system when you’re triggered

[18:27] Why secure attachment is uncovered, not built

[27:11] Why repair matters more than getting it right

[35:42] What creates the gap between knowing and doing

[40:18] How one embodied shift can break lifelong patterns

[48:36] Why receiving love can feel threatening

[52:10] What shame looks like in the body and how to shift it



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Resources mentioned:



Dr. Peter A. Levine: Somatic Experiencing | Website

Dr. Stephen Porges: Polyvagal Institute | Website

John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory by McLeod, S. | Article

Being There by Erica Komisar | Book or Audiobook

The Gottman Institute | Website

Dr. Allan N. Schore | Website

Attachment in Psychotherapy by David J. Wallin PhD | Book or Audiobook

Learn more about Dr. Diane Poole Heller's trauma healing programs here.

Find more from Dr. Diane:

Trauma Solutions | Website

Trauma Solutions | Facebook

Trauma Solutions | YouTube

Trauma Solutions | LinkedIn

Trauma Attachment Training | Instagram

Dr. Diane Poole Heller | Bluesky

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