The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Why Chasing Success Can Leave You Feeling Stuck (with David Brooks)

239 snips
Jan 19, 2026
In this captivating discussion, David Brooks, a renowned author and New York Times columnist, dives into the contrast between resume virtues and eulogy virtues. He challenges the obsession with quantifying success, emphasizing the importance of kindness and character development through daily habits. Brooks advocates for embracing discomfort to foster personal growth and the value of local service in strengthening communities. He also explores how making others feel seen is vital for connection, revealing practical steps to reconnect with our passions and get unstuck.
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ANECDOTE

Thread's 'No Leaving' Network

  • Thread in Baltimore built a network like extended family to support betrayed youth through consistent presence.
  • The rule 'there's no leaving' created identity change by showing up again and again.
INSIGHT

Relationships Are Micro Skills

  • Relationships are made from second-by-second social skills, not abstractions like 'community.'
  • Brooks frames empathy and social skill as learnable crafts (e.g., making others feel seen).
INSIGHT

Relational Crisis And Declining Trust

  • America faces a relational crisis: rising loneliness, declining trust, and fewer friendships.
  • Low trust and suspicion make vulnerability and sustained friendships much harder to practice.
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