Honeydew Me 253. Why You Don’t Want Sex Like You Used To: Desire, Long-Term Relationships, & Life After Kids
For a lot of us, having kids absolutely wrecks our sex lives… at least for a while. And no one really prepares you for that. In this episode, we’re joined by Rebecca Howard Eudy, PhD, LMHC, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and couples therapist, to talk about what actually happens to desire, intimacy, and connection after kids (or even just in long term relationships). We dig into exhaustion, resentment, pressure, and why so many couples assume something is wrong with them, when really they’re just navigating a huge shift. This conversation is about understanding what’s happening and figuring out how to rebuild intimacy in a way that actually works for the season you’re in.
We cover:
- How pressure kills intimacy. What happens when sex becomes another expectation instead of a point of connection.
- Why resentment shows up in the bedroom. How unequal labor, emotional disconnect, and unspoken needs quietly erode desire.
- How to rebuild emotional and physical intimacy. Practical ways to reconnect that do not rely on forcing desire or “trying harder.”
- Why sex changes so much after kids. Rebecca explains how exhaustion, mental load, and identity shifts directly impact desire and arousal.
- The difference between low desire and low capacity. Why many parents still want sex but feel too depleted to access it.
- Understanding desire differences after parenthood. Why mismatched desire is common and not a sign something is wrong with your relationship.
- Why scheduling intimacy can actually help. How planning connection creates safety and reduces pressure instead of killing spontaneity.
- The importance of redefining sex after kids. Moving beyond penetration-focused sex and expanding what intimacy can look like now.
- How to talk about sex without blame or defensiveness. Language shifts that help couples feel like teammates again.
Connect with Rebecca:
- BUY HER BOOK HERE!
- Visit her website HERE!
- Follow her on Instagram HERE!
- Listen to her podcast HERE!
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