Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction Why Doesn't My Betraying Partner Hate Himself?
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Seeking Integrity Clinical Director Erin Snow and Tami consider the reasons that a betraying partner may refuse to admit their shame, whether it's worth waiting a few more days to see if a partner is going to start respecting boundaries, and how to respond to a partner's enmeshment, lying, and childhood trauma.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:30] How can we get the recovery support we need two years after disclosure?
[6:19] What is too soon for couples therapy?
[9:30] Why does my partner always walk in front of me?
[13:43] Should I wait 30 more days for my betrayer to start respecting my boundaries?
[19:24] Why are so many sex addicts enmeshed with a parent?
[23:35] My therapist can't believe I want to stay with my partner. Now what?
[31:38] How can I hold space for my partner's wounds and trauma?
[38:03] How do I handle my partner's incomplete information about his betrayal?
[45:35] How can I understand my partner's childhood trauma and patterns of withdrawal?
[49:36] Why can't my partner stop lovebombing me?
[53:50] My partner is a sex and love addict, what does limerance mean?
[57:10] "I don't hate myself" – does my partner feel any shame?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
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"When both partners are stabilized in their own healing journeys, couples therapy is that much more effective."
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"Your partner just wants to walk next to you in life."
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"Are the actions you're taking allowing me to move closer to you or forcing me to move further away from you?"
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"Choosing to stay in a relationship or choosing to go is something that only you deal with every day."
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"Addiction doesn't thrive in honesty. It has to thrive in lying."