The ramping up of fear

I write to you as I’m finding the FEAR course really challenging!  Although I feel like running as far away from the course as possible, I’m sticking with it because a part of me knows there is more to see here.

Am I to suppose that I’m feeling uncomfortable because there’s a recognition that I’ve lived in fear for most of my life? I guess I’ve thought it was somehow protecting me? Something inside me tells me that I’ve never ‘allowed’ myself to even begin to shine a light on all of this as it’s too painful to see what might be revealed! 

Having suffered loss of very dear loved ones and having had health issues myself,  have and still do at times feel broken. I think I’m beginning to see that I have a very deep rooted fear of illness and death.... I’m guessing that I see this as the ultimate separation, of which I’m terrified!!?

I think I’m still at the stage of searching for an escape from this unbearable pain, looking for the ‘answer’ in the next podcast/webinar...  a hope that you, Clare, will tell me what to do! I know that’s not possible but a pointer in the right direction would be gratefully received!

So, I suppose I’m asking whether by just staying in this conversation, that over time, I’ll see more of who I really am and old beliefs will fall away and I’ll rediscover who I really am? I feel confused and my anxiety is heightened at present. I cannot see that I’m not real just now. This is messing with my head!