E30: The Power of Discernment, Part 2 - Boundary misalignment and the art of balancing yes with no

If you’re anything like us you probably remember times in graduate school where you told yourself something like “This won’t last forever, once I graduate I’ll have more time for myself.” And, at the time, it made sense, you truly believed it, and it worked, because, these kinds of thoughts helped us say “no” to things that would take us away from our studies and say “yes” to things that ensured our academic success.

And because it worked so well we continue to use this as a way of motivating self-sacrifice during other points in our professional journey, by simply substituting the phrase “once I graduate” for things like “once I’m licensed”, “once I get the hang of this new job”, and “once things slow down at work.”

But of course, the problem is, there will always be something else we can put into that slot. And, before we know it, we may find ourselves resenting our jobs when, in fact, what we really resent is the fact that we can’t seem to stop saying “yes”.

In today’s episode we are talking about boundary misalignment and how discernment can help us start saying “no” to the things that take us away from self-care, and start saying “yes” to things that support our self-care and, by extension, our ability to continue doing great work with our clients.

Episode Highlights:

• Discernment category #2:  Boundary misalignment 
• Common risks and outcomes of misaligned boundaries
• Our personal misaligned boundaries examples
• Self-care experiments:
  • Commit to ending one meeting exactly on time
  • Delay responding to non-urgent messages
  • Practice saying 'Let me think about that and get back to you'
  • Publicly protect one recovery window

Resource Mentioned:

• Dr. Marie-Helene Pelletier's book, The Resilience Plan, and our past podcast interview with her

Connect with Melissa & Karen at Intentional Therapist:
https://www.intentionaltherapist.ca/  |  intentional@intentionaltherapist.ca  |   https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmelissatiessen/

Share one of your own self-care experiments via our SpeakPipe page at:  https://www.speakpipe.com/intentionaltherapist

Ready to upgrade your self-care?  Check out the independent study version of our course, Thrivival Skills for Therapists, and earn 3 CE credits!  Because self-care is PART OF our jobs!  More info at:  https://intentional-therapist.newzenler.com/courses/thrivival-skills-for-therapists-independent-study  

Disclaimer:  This podcast seeks to be educational in purpose and is not to be used as clinical advice.  Please connect with a therapist one-on-one for personalized support.