07: The 4 Step Apology To Make Things Right with Molly Howes

The truth is, we are hardwired as humans to not want to apologize. It is one of the most difficult things to do on a cultural and neurological level. Feeling as though we did something wrong and that we hurt someone is not the way we want to feel about ourselves, so in an instant our brain chooses to protect itself. However, what if apologizing was looked at through a different lens? What if we used apologies as a way to create better connections with a partner and make big changes that could help elevate relationships.There are so many misconceptions about apologizing, such as,  apologizing is a sign of weakness, when it is actually the total opposite and we want to tackle this issue on today’s podcast. 

Joining us today is Harvard trained clinical psychologist and author of ‘A Good Apology: Four Steps to Make Things Right’, Molly Howes. Molly walks us through why people don’t like to apologize and how we can overcome that by using her four steps to apologizing. She is here to educate us on the psychology behind apologizing, and how we can become better apologizers for us and our partners.

Apologizing isn’t about who is right and who is wrong, it’s about building better connections and working as a team. With some introspection and the right tools, apologizing in a way that will help your relationship is possible. Tune in to hear how!

Topics discussed in this episode:

• Why is it so hard to apologize?
• How to better understand your partner’s point of view
• Why is it easier to see other people’s mistakes rather than our own?
• What is forgiveness inflation?
• Why guilt is actually a good thing
• What is confirmation bias?
• Does being open help your partner open up?
• The need for responsibility and empathy in an apology
• Creating a system to ensure to not hurt the other
• Becoming a team with your partner for a mutually beneficial outcome
• Myths about apologies
• Questions to ask to help your partner open up

Purchase Molly's Book:  https://www.grandcentralpublishing.com/titles/molly-howes-phd/a-good-apology/9781538701317/

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