The Problem with Being Perfect: How Unrealistic Standards Hurt Our Minds and Bodies

We often think of perfectionism as a virtue; a kind of shorthand for high standards, a solid work ethic, and attention to detail.

But in reality, perfectionism can be a paralyzing force — like sand wedged in the gears of our minds. It slows us down, makes us question our choices, and traps us in an endless cycle of tweaking and re-tweaking, unable to move on to the next task. It can even have consequences for our health, as we push ourselves beyond our limits, in pursuit of impossible standards. And it’s on the rise, especially among teens and young adults.

On this episode, we explore what causes perfectionism, how we can escape its grip, and why letting go of unrealistic expectations doesn’t have to mean abandoning excellence. We hear from recovering perfectionists about what finally forced them to let go of their impossible  standards, and how their lives have changed since. We talk with a longtime perfectionism researcher about what’s at the root of perfectionism, and some of its more dire consequences. And we learn about a new movement that’s pushing high school kids to invest less in their academic achievements — and more in how they matter to others.

• For most of her life, Gitanjali Trevorrow-Seymour was a perfectionist — and as an adult, her exacting standards seemed to have paid off, in the form of a successful career, beautiful home, and loving family. But a few years ago, she reached a turning point that prompted her to question her pursuit of perfection — and the toll it was taking on her life and health. We talk with Trevorrow-Seymour about what finally caused her to change, and what it’s like living on the other side of perfectionism.
• It’s something we all hear as kids: “Practice makes perfect.” But for budding cellist Joshua Roman, it was more than just a saying — it was the only way to become the best. His relentless work ethic  paid off when, at the tender age of 22, Roman became the youngest lead cellist in the Seattle Symphony Orchestra’s history. But everything changed for Roman several years ago, when he contracted a debilitating case of long COVID, and found himself struggling to function. Pulse producer Nichole Currie talks with Roman about how his newfound limitations have changed his life and forced him to face his perfectionism.
• Researcher Gordon Flett breaks down the dark side of perfectionism — from burnout to health effects — explaining where it comes from, why it’s on the rise in young people, and how to deal with it. Flett is a professor emeritus of psychology at York University in Toronto, and the author of several books on perfectionism.
• For a lot of high school kids, college admissions are a major driver of stress — not to mention depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Pulse reporter Alan Yu talks with perfectionism researchers about the dangers of America’s “achievement culture,” along with journalist Jennifer Wallace about a potential solution — the Mattering Movement.