I Wish You Knew Is He a Narcissist or Just Avoidant? | Dr. Leslie Dobson & Adam Lane Smith
Mar 20, 2026
Dr. Leslie Dobson, a forensic psychologist who assesses violent offenders in prisons and hospitals, helps listeners separate rare narcissistic personality disorder from avoidant behaviors. She covers coercive control, how predators scan for vulnerable partners, why small good moments deceive, the role of attachment in visibility, and practical steps like forensic journaling and rebuilding community for safety.
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Compare Against A Healthy Baseline Not Occasional Highs
- If you're questioning a partner's toxicity, imagine a relationship where the 10% good moments are 100% and compare your baseline instead of clinging to rare highs.
- Dr. Leslie Dobson urges leaving or taking a strict timeout if the harmful 90% outweighs progress.
Deny Emotional Fuel And Prepare For Triangulation
- Use gray rocking and don't react to manipulative provocation; deny the narcissist the emotional fuel they seek.
- Leslie Dobson also warns about triangulation and recommends preparing evidence and groundedness to counter their 'army' tactics.
Isolation Is The Narcissist's Core Strategy
- Narcissists isolate partners to remove external reality checks and build dependence, making it harder to leave.
- Adam Lane Smith notes isolation often looks like lost friends, defended lies, and severed family ties over time.