The Connection You're Starving For (And Where to Find It)

"I hate it here."

It's a phrase clinical psychologist Dan Sartor heard from his own kids for years -- and it cut deep every time. Until he realized they weren't rejecting his home. They were expressing something they couldn't fix on their own: a longing for peace, connection, and presence that our hurried lives keep pushing to the margins.

Most of us know that feeling. We scroll past it, stay busy through it, or dream of relocating, hoping a change of scenery will resolve something that's actually happening inside us. But what if the answer isn't escaping? What if it's slowing down enough to let ourselves -- and the people around us -- be truly known?

In this episode of The Wholehearted Way, Nathan King and Mandi Wellington sit down with Dr. Dan Sartor, a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience in what he calls "soul care." Together, they explore why we struggle to connect at the level we were made for -- and what it looks like to start.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Soul Care vs. Surface Fixes: Why addressing anxiety, conflict, or addiction at the behavioral level often misses the deeper issue -- and what changes when we go to the level of the soul.
• Why We Can't Connect: How relational deficits from childhood, cultural pace, and technology create a "perfect storm" of soul atrophy -- even among people surrounded by others.
• The Therapy Paradox: Dan's striking observation that people opened up honestly in his counseling office but showed up in "Sunday best" at church -- and what that reveals about the communities we're building.
• "I Hate It Here": A father's journey from taking his kids' words personally to hearing the longing underneath -- and why God responds to our lament the same way.
• The Montana Metaphor: Why our desire to escape to somewhere slower and simpler points to a deeper hunger for the kingdom of God, which Dallas Willard said moves at about three miles per hour.
• God's Plan A: Why deep, vulnerable community isn't a nice-to-have for the church -- it's the very mechanism God designed for healing and transformation.
• The Dark Night of the Soul: How Jesus on the cross -- feeling forsaken by God himself -- gives us permission to bring our rawest, most honest selves into relationship with him and each other.

Whether you feel stuck in surface-level friendships, exhausted by performing your faith, or quietly wondering why "the formula" isn't working, this conversation offers a different way forward -- one that starts with being honest about where you actually are.

About Dan Sartor

Dr. Dan Sartor is a licensed clinical psychologist and professional counselor with over 30 years of experience. He serves as the director of outpatient counseling and spiritual retreats at the Wing Center in Flowery Branch, Georgia. In addition to his clinical work, Dan coaches nonprofit and ministry leaders, walking alongside them as they lead, serve, and sustain their impact. He has been married for 35 years and has four adult children and a granddaughter.

Resources Mentioned:

• New Book: Becoming Wholehearted by Larry Bolden and Anisa Sumlar (becomingwholehearted.org)
• Wellspring Group: wellspringgroup.org
• Listen to more: wholeheartedwaypodcast.com