UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone 464. Why You Never “Deserve” or “Don't Deserve” Anything, Ever
Feb 5, 2026
They dismantle the idea that wanting or receiving things is a moral judgment and show how “deserving” traps you in shame and second-guessing. They explore how sexist socialization pushes women into constant self-justification. They contrast passive deserving thinking with active choice and reframe luck and privilege as responsibility rather than guilt.
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House Renovation Triggered Old Modesty
- Kara describes renovating her creek house and wrestling with feeling it might be "too nice."
- A friend's comment about "deserving nice things" highlighted longstanding socialized modesty.
Deserving Is A Moral Ledger Myth
- The concept of "deserving" embeds moral judgments about who you are or what you've done.
- That framing treats life outcomes as a cosmic ledger rather than choices and circumstances.
The 'Deserve' Question Can't Be Objectively Settled
- Using "deserve" aims to justify feelings but rests on incoherent assumptions about good and bad.
- The minute you dig beneath it, questions about who judges and what counts collapse the concept.
