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How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term | Dr. David Buss

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Nov 29, 2021

Guest

David M Buss

In this insightful discussion, Dr. David Buss, a leading evolutionary psychologist from the University of Texas, explores the intricacies of human mate selection. He delves into how we choose partners for both short and long-term relationships and the psychological factors that influence these decisions. The conversation touches on infidelity trends, revealing key differences in motivations between men and women. Buss also highlights the dark triad traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—in relationships, providing a comprehensive view of modern romantic dynamics.

02:10:04

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ADVICE

Assessing Emotional Stability

Evaluate emotional stability over time, especially during stressful situations like trips.
Observe how potential mates respond to stress and return to emotional baselines.

insights

INSIGHT

Short-Term Mating Preferences

Women prioritize physical attractiveness more in short-term mating, while men lower their standards.
Women are also more attracted to "bad boy" qualities and influenced by mate choice copying in short-term contexts.

insights

INSIGHT

Motivations for Infidelity

Men's infidelity is primarily driven by sexual variety, while women's is linked to relationship unhappiness.
This difference highlights differing motivations and potential consequences.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Enhancing Wellness through Nutrition and Mindfulness

04:16 • 4min

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The Evolution of Mate Selection

08:35 • 24min

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The Art of Deception in Online Dating

32:21 • 4min

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Mate Selection in the Modern Age

36:15 • 10min

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Understanding Infidelity: Gender Differences and Psychological Theories

46:35 • 18min

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Unraveling Infidelity and Relationship Dynamics

01:04:39 • 21min

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Dark Triad Dynamics in Relationships

01:25:24 • 14min

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Navigating Mate Value and Attachment in Relationships

01:39:17 • 23min

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Unmasking Self-Deception in Relationships

02:02:15 • 8min

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Concluding Insights and Community Engagement

02:10:22 • 2min

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#86

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The Coddling of the American Mind

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Greg Lukianoff

The book explores how the ideas 'what doesn’t kill you makes you weaker,' 'always trust your feelings,' and 'life is a battle between good people and evil people' have become embedded in American culture. These 'Great Untruths' contradict basic psychological principles and ancient wisdom, leading to a culture of safetyism that interferes with young people’s social, emotional, and intellectual development. The authors investigate various social trends, including fearful parenting, the decline of unsupervised play, and the impact of social media, as well as changes on college campuses and the broader context of political polarization in America.

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Why Women Have Sex

Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)

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Through extensive interviews and pioneering research, Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss uncover the multifaceted reasons women engage in sex, ranging from pleasure and health to more complex psychological and evolutionary motivations. The book delves into various aspects of female sexuality, including the use of sex for protection, status, resource acquisition, and even as a form of medication.

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When Men Behave Badly

The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault

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In 'When Men Behave Badly', David Buss delves into the evolutionary psychology behind male behaviors that interfere with women's choices and goals. The book identifies and documents various 'bad male behaviors' such as pretending to have more status or financial resources, engaging in secret sexual affairs, being hyper-vigilant and controlling, and physically and psychologically abusing women. Buss explains these behaviors through the lens of evolutionary selection, highlighting the role of the Dark Triad traits (narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy) in exacerbating these behaviors. The book also discusses how these behaviors can be addressed at both social and individual levels, emphasizing the need for women to be aware of these traits and for society to implement measures to prosecute and prevent such behaviors.

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The Evolution of Desire

Strategies of Human Mating

David Buss

David Buss's "The Evolution of Desire" explores the evolutionary basis of human mating strategies and preferences. Buss integrates evolutionary theory with empirical research to explain patterns of attraction, mate selection, and relationship dynamics. He examines the differences between men and women's mating strategies, considering factors such as sexual selection and parental investment. The book challenges traditional views on relationships and offers a compelling perspective on the biological underpinnings of human behavior. It's a significant contribution to the field of evolutionary psychology.

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The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating

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This book, written by prominent psychologist David M. Buss, presents a unified theory of human mating behavior. It draws on a vast study involving over 10,000 people from thirty-seven cultures and compares human mating strategies with those of other species. Buss explores why human desires differ radically between men and women, and how conflict, competition, and manipulation are integral to human mating. The book updates the latest scientific research on human mating and explains the powerful evolutionary forces shaping our intimate desires.

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When Men Behave Badly

The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault

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Evolutionary Psychology : The New Science of the Mind

David Buss

In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology.

Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships.

This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships.

Read the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com.