The Next Big Idea Daily How to Feel Loved: 5 Research-Based Mindsets That Work
22 snips
Feb 25, 2026 
Jeffrey L. Cohen, Stanford social psychologist who studies belonging, and Harry Reis, University of Rochester relationship researcher, chat about connection. They explore why achievements do not create lasting love. They cover reciprocity, radical curiosity in listening, openness vs secrecy, kindness, and simple situational steps to build belonging.
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Help Others Feel Loved First
- Help others feel loved first to create a cycle of mutual openness and reciprocity.
- Reis uses the underwater seesaw metaphor: lifting someone's private self above the waterline encourages them to reciprocate and strengthen connection.
Share Vulnerabilities To Be Understood
- Share vulnerable parts of yourself so others can respond to the real you and provide reassurance.
- Reis explains hiding secrets creates preoccupation and that admissions often elicit more positive reactions than expected.
Listen With Radical Curiosity
- Listen with focused curiosity: pay attention, convey understanding, and show caring support.
- Reis frames good listening as a three-part skill that makes speakers feel truly heard and paves the way to feeling loved.
