Shame and no-doer

Wow, I’ve just listened to the shame part of life cycles and to one of the 1-1 recordings on this. 

This is it, this is everything that has dominated my life, my whole life. I carried shame from a very early age, I cannot remember a time without it.  Shame is all encompassing, every area of my life. The decisions I’ve made/make have been driven by shame. Withdrawal, isolation, working so hard to create the self-image that will hide my shame at all costs. 

I just feel wrong. The wrong body, the wrong background, the wrong accent, the wrong mother, the wrong partner, the wrong coach. A failure. At 57yrs I have stopped trying to force myself into things. Stopped trying to have a coaching business, due to failures etc.  My desire to heal myself has been longstanding and many qualifications and explorations have really helped. My coaching is both my superpower and my worst nightmare and I give up as the clients do not come. I feel shame. 

I have a core belief that I can only ever rely on me. I cannot trust others to see me. But at the same time feel guilt and shame for some of the decisions I have made. I am not good enough.

When I first started listening to your programs I was intrigued by the non-doer. The way you describe the separation and pain of shame as so removed from reality of who we are is starting to shine a light. As I really have always felt separate, even with the 3P’s understanding, it hasn’t completely dissipated. 

So, I’m keen to see more. Can you point me to more on your explanation of the non-doer within the membership that I could look at please? Also I have ordered your books, Home and Real, so maybe in there. 

I haven’t attended the webinars live and I realise now that too is about shame!  I have also noticed where my resistance comes up when I listening to the courses. Something is moving …..