The Mark Groves Podcast

#414: High-Functioning Codependents: How to Stop Being Everything for Everyone with Terri Cole

13 snips
Oct 10, 2024
Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist and author who teaches healthy boundaries, breaks down high-functioning codependency. She spotlights over-giving, autopilot advice, and the burnout behind people-pleasing. Short, practical discussions explore shifting from fixing to listening and how to set sustainable limits without losing relationships.
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INSIGHT

High Functioning Codependency Looks Like Competence

  • High-functioning codependency (HFC) is being overly invested in others' outcomes to the detriment of your inner peace.
  • Terri Cole observed capable, successful clients who couldn't see themselves as codependent because their over-functioning didn't match old stereotypes.
INSIGHT

Common Traits That Mask As Helpfulness

  • HFC traits include feeling responsible for fixing, unsolicited advice, over-sacrificing, judgment, and resentment when others ignore your help.
  • These behaviors create martyrdom and blurred boundaries where HFCs control relationship dynamics.
INSIGHT

I Got It Mantra Creates Hidden Control

  • HFCs often hold mantras like I got it and It has to be me, which combine codependency and hyper-independence.
  • This mix produces control, poor delegation, and resistance to letting others take responsibility.
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