Worklife with Adam Grant ReThinking: Esther Perel on the relationship baggage we bring to work
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Mar 3, 2026 
Esther Perel, psychotherapist and relationship expert, explores how our personal histories travel into work. She contrasts relationship- and task-oriented styles. She explains how upbringing shapes reactions to managers and collaboration. She discusses hiring for complementarity, balancing risk and rules, and why mixing contrasting styles boosts creativity.
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Relationship History Shapes Work Behavior
- Your relationship history and socialization shape how you show up at work beyond any official resume.
- Esther Perel contrasts being raised for autonomy versus loyalty to explain why people respond differently to the same manager.
Negotiate Autonomy And Connection Daily
- Accept that tension between autonomy and connection is constant and must be negotiated, not eliminated.
- Perel advises people to recognize default styles (compliable vs rigid) and adapt by becoming more pliable or more solid as needed.
Relational Skills Are Organizational Intelligence
- Relational skills are no longer just soft skills; they function as relational intelligence that shapes company systems.
- Perel argues AI and tech heighten the importance of systemic relational understanding in organizations.