The Anatomy of Shame - Emotion Series #8

190 snips

Jul 22, 2022

Delve into the dynamics of shame and its powerful influence on our identities. The discussion draws parallels between shame and an electric fence, illustrating how societal expectations can confine us. Personal stories reveal how this emotion can stagnate growth, while reframing shame as a source of inherent goodness opens paths to self-acceptance. Emphasis is placed on vulnerability and community support, encouraging listeners to share their own experiences for healing and connection. Ultimately, shame transforms from a barrier to a guide for authentic living.

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ANECDOTE

Joe's Childhood Shame

Joe Hudson recalls feeling shame as a child despite his mother's defense.
This illustrates how shame internalizes societal expectations, hindering emotional fluidity.

INSIGHT

Shame's Impact on Personal Growth

Unfaced shame can lead to missed opportunities and stagnation, as Brett Kistler realized.
Avoiding shame-inducing actions often keeps us within our comfort zones, limiting personal growth.

INSIGHT

Shame as an Electric Fence

Shame acts like an electric fence, training us to avoid certain behaviors.
Societal norms shape our individual 'fences', creating tension and conflict between differing values.

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Shame is nature’s way of training us to fit into our culture and society. Like an electric fence, it outlines the contours of the identity we’ve grown into and discourages us from straying outside the lines.

This boundary around our comfort zone is often a poor match for ourselves and the world we live in. When we feel shame, our emotional experience stagnates, dampening our evolution and our enjoyment. People often find themselves stuck in the same shame cycles for years.

In this episode, Joe and Brett examine the structure of shame and how to melt it on an intellectual, emotional, and somatic level.

Transformed through awareness and love, our shame becomes a natural set of guide rails that help us live our life in alignment with our deepest values.

"All we're doing here is freeing the blocking of emotions by feeling into our body and creating love where there was abandonment."

The following is the “wall of shame” referenced at the end of the episode, compiled from Brett’s journal and submissions from our listeners:

Shame of being amateur/inexperienced
...of missing opportunities
...of being incompetent
...of backing down or giving up
...of not creating value
...of being wrong, and then being hard-headed about it
...of being an outsider who doesn't speak the lingo
...of asking for help
...of being 'transactional'
...of not being present enough
...of hovering anxiously
...of having shame and hiding it
...of being a 'hypocrite'
...of being a know-it-all
...of being helpless or clueless
...of not 'deserving it'
...of failing as a result of either over- or under-control
...of upsetting people or scaring them with the truth
...of showing hurt or disappointment
...of not following my intuition
...of not being clever, determined, or forthright
...of not being ambitious, or of being too ambitious
...of disagreeing
...of telling people they are wrong
...of being withdrawn
...of needing people to change their behavior
...of needing time
...of thinking slowly
...of not knowing how
...of not feeling good when others are socializing
…of not being enough (strong, present, resourceful, smart)
…of freezing when action is required
…of hurting the people I love

Send yours with the feedback form on our website to add to this list. Submissions will, of course, be anonymized.

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