Reclamation Radio with Kelly Brogan MD

132: The 4 Male Archetypes That Guide Our Relationships | David Coates

Nov 4, 2025
Join psychotherapist David Coates, author of "Be Less Dickish," as he delves into the intricacies of men's relational patterns through Internal Family Systems. David explains the chaotic mind as a family of parts and how unblending them can transform relationships. He outlines four male archetypes—asshole, pussy, douchebag, and dick—shedding light on their protective mechanisms. Learn why understanding these dynamics is crucial to maintaining personal sovereignty and fostering healthier connections.
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ANECDOTE

Researching Words With Community

  • David describes researching language groups and asking communities when a guy becomes an "asshole" or a "dick."
  • That grassroots research reduced the list to four archetypal words he then used to explore men's behaviors.
INSIGHT

Archetypes As Survival Strategies

  • Extreme male archetypes are survival strategies formed in childhood to avoid harm or gain attention.
  • Recognizing these strategies reframes blame and opens the path to reclaiming lost parts.
INSIGHT

Asshole: Shamelessness Hides Wounding

  • The "asshole" archetype is shameless and selfish, unconcerned with social impact, and often deeply wounded underneath.
  • That shell can be useful in arenas requiring ruthless assertiveness but cracks open under major life losses.
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