Growing Up Feeling Stupid

What if the place you’re meant to feel safest… never was?

In this episode of Begin Again, Ruby Wax opens up about a life shaped by chaos, fear, and an unrelenting search for safety. Growing up in a home filled with instability and emotional unpredictability, Ruby shares how those early experiences have stayed with her, long after she left.

She reflects on the strange reality that, even now, she often feels safest in the most dangerous situations and why home has never been the place that gives her comfort. From childhood trauma to a lifelong battle with depression, Ruby speaks candidly about what it really feels like to live inside a mind that can turn against you.

She also revisits some of the most defining moments of her career, interviewing figures like Bill Cosby and Donald Trump, navigating the power dynamics and darkness she encountered along the way. These weren’t just interviews, they were experiences that shaped how she sees people, the world, and herself.

At the heart of this conversation is Ruby’s journey toward understanding her mind. From studying neuroscience to exploring mindfulness and meditation, she shares how she’s learned to manage the noise, the fear, and the patterns that once controlled her.

This is a story about survival, self-awareness, and what it takes to rebuild a sense of safety from the inside out.

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Ruby’s Tour “Absolutely Famous”

https://www.rubywax.net/livetour

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(00:00) Intro
(01:24) Ruby On Her Upcoming Tour “Absolutely Famous”
(04:16) Why She Is Unable To Lie
(05:13) Interviewing Bill Cosby And Donald Trump
(07:54) Her Parents And Challenging Upbringing
(10:33) Discovering The Truth About Her Family History And Generational Trauma
(16:33) Safety And Insanity
(18:43) Finding Safety In Dangerous Situations
(20:13) Feeling Like An Outsider Growing Up
(21:33) Ruby’s Experience Of Menopause
(26:21) Airbnb Ad
(27:28) Paramount+ Ad
(28:44) Her Depression And Learning To Manage It
(34:49) Ruby Reflects On Her Relationship With Husband Ed
(37:40) Getting “Kicked Out Of TV” And Finding A New Purpose
(39:20) Ruby’s Menopause
(40:17) Friendship With Alan Rickman And Carrie Fisher
(46:20) Becoming Ruby Wax And Asking Her Husband To Marry Her
(49:11) I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, Friendship With Angry Ginge
(50:43) Discovering The Power Of Mindfulness
(57:18) Relationship With Gelong Thubten And A Month-Long Silent Retreat
(01:01:15) Being With Alan Rickman When He Died
(01:05:20) A Letter From Alan Rickman’s Niece

Airbnb - Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.co.uk/Host

Paramount+ - Episodes 1-3 of The Madison are available to stream on Paramount+ now: https://www.paramountplus.com/gb/shows/the-madison/

Episodes 4-6 will be available to stream on 21 March.

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