Backhanded Compliments and Their Impact

Hey Lifers!
We're in with our last ask uncut of the year! Britt is in Scotland and scaring strangers in her apartment complex. 
Have you experienced a bit of a sliding doors moment with your partner? Maybe your paths almost crossed before you actually met, or something happened and it meant that things could be so different to what they are now!

We have a chat about a woman who is going viral for a post she made about how she wasn't attracted to her husband. It's getting...mixed reviews!

Vibes for the week:

Britt: movie - Promising Young Women
Laura: Netflix doco Bad Surgeon: Love Under the Knife

Then we jump into your deep, dark and burning quesitions!

• I’ve been with my husband for 13 years. Recently an openly gay dude who he’s acquaintances with started sending him messages at all hours of the night telling my husband how much he likes him and that he can’t stop thinking about what his 🍆 would look like etc. We would also wake up to deleted messages in the morning (so the friend had deleted it before my husband read it). It’s made me really uncomfortable. Yes, my husband showed me the messages but when I asked him to tell the friend to stop, he wouldn’t. He said “I’m not gay so it shouldn’t matter.” Eventually my husband messaged the dude and told him to stop but he did it in a way that was so undermining to me. The message was basically “I’m as shocked as you are, I don’t mind the messages but my psycho wife has lost her shit about it so to save my sanity could you just not send me those messages anymore”. The messages stopped but after that I feel so differently about my husband. I feel like he betrayed me….. just by the lack of respect and throwing me under the bus to the other guy. What do you think? Have I over reacted here?
  
  

• Last night my husband and I were just chatting and the conversation turned to our sex life. We’ve never watched porn together. I asked him if he had watched porn before, since we’ve been married and then again after our first child was born. During that convo, I became curious and started asking more questions but he said he didn’t want to talk about it anymore as it made him uncomfortable. Instead of listening to him and respecting his wishes, I kept questioning him. He got frustrated as I didn’t respect his wishes and he refused to talk about it anymore. I then became really upset and angry. Not because he put a boundary in place, but because he’d watched porn since we’d been living together. We’ve always had a great sex life (with the exception of dry times after the kids) and have always been open with our communication about it.

  
  

  Him watching porn since we have been living together and being married makes me feel like I haven’t been enough for him and like I’m not good enough, and he has to get pleasure outside of me. However, I actually don’t have a problem with porn - I’ve watched it myself before, watched it with previous partners and would have been open to watching it with my husband. Upon reflection, I now know why I’m so upset about it. In my previous relationship (before I met my husband), my then-partner watched porn a lot. It got in the way of our sex life and he never wanted to be intimate AT ALL with me. I really don’t know how to go about this and how to move on mentally. My husband hasn’t done anything wrong and this isn’t his issue.
  
  

• I went ahead and booked a holiday during cyber Monday sales. I only need one day of unpaid leave to be approved from my job (I’m a teacher) in order to go, however I didn’t wait for the leave to be approved before booking. For reference, people take unpaid leave for holidays all the time at my work. I have only ever taken one day off other than sick leave throughout my 6 years of teaching at this school. My boss has rejected my leave and told me to cancel my holiday or fly home half way through for this one day of work. It’s a professional development day and no kids will be there. Apparently I can’t attend via zoom (because she doesn’t want me to) and have to be there in person in order to reconnect with everyone. I don’t know what to do. I love my job and don’t want to have my bosses think of me badly, but I’ll lose over $1200 to book new flights home and my holiday will be shortened by 5 days. What should I do?

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