Rebuilding Fantasy After Trauma

If you've ever felt ashamed of a sexual fantasy, I want you to know that having one isn't a sign that something is wrong with you — it's actually a sign of a healthy sex life. Fantasies can reveal what you truly crave, deepen your connection with a partner, and completely transform your relationship with your own desire. But most of us were never taught how to think about them, let alone talk about them out loud.

In this episode, I'm breaking down what your fantasies actually mean, why you don't need to act on all of them, and exactly how to bring one up with a partner without it feeling terrifying.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• What the most common fantasies reveal about your psychological needs — and why the ones that embarrass you the most are usually the most telling

• My step-by-step framework for communicating a fantasy to a partner (even if you've never done it before and have no idea where to start)

• What to do if you can't seem to fantasize at all — including why a history of trauma or a conservative upbringing can shut down your erotic imagination, and how to gently rebuild it

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Timestamps:

0:00 - Intro

1:47 - The Most Common Fantasies (Group Sex, BDSM, Voyeurism & More)

3:50 - Listener Fantasy List: What YOU Shared on Instagram

6:12 - How to Bring Up a Fantasy to Your Partner (The Who, What, Where, When, Why Method)

8:24 - Fantasy vs. Fetish: What's the Difference?

9:09 - Caller Update: Tracy's Throuple Story

15:44 - "Is It Wrong to Fantasize About Someone Else While in a Relationship?"

17:33 - How to Find a Couple for a Threesome

20:32 - Latex Fetish & Pegging: How to Get Your Partner on Board

24:12 - How to Make the First Move Without Falling into the Friend Zone

28:26 - Foot Fetishes 101: How to Blow His Mind

31:03 - When Trauma Blocks Your Fantasy Life

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