The Problem With Trying to Feel Better: Dr Julie Smith
The Problem With...
Why wanting to feel better can backfire
Julie explains normal emotional fluctuation and how people mistake distress for pathology, offering foundational tools.
Dr Julie Smith joins James Smith for a wide-ranging conversation on the psychology of emotion, mental health, and what it really means to feel better. A clinical psychologist and international bestselling author, Dr Smith dismantles the idea that difficult emotions are problems to be solved and challenges James on everything from catastrophising and shame-based motivation to the surprising emotional cost of success.
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James opens up about his experience of lockdown, being cut off from Australia, the relief (not happiness) of hitting major milestones, and why he uses financial goals as a psychological permission slip to keep overworking.
She explains:
◼️ Why wanting to feel better is sometimes part of the problem
◼️ How to recognise when distress is situational vs something deeper
◼️ The double standard we apply to ourselves vs others
◼️ Why self-compassion isn't weakness (it's the harder skill)
◼️ What status loss does to mental health and identity
Chapters:
00:00 The Problem With Trying to Feel Better
04:20 When Anxiety Means You're a Good Parent
07:23 Is Low Mood Situational or Something Deeper?
12:10 When Should You Actually Get Therapy?
13:52 James Being Locked Out of Australia
15:36 Not Feeling Like You Qualify for Help
17:34 The Workaholics Trap and Honest Feedback
18:45 Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy — Where Does Dr Smith Stand?
20:23 James's LSD Day in the Park
21:49 The Periodic Table of Emotions
27:12 Vulnerability, Fatherhood and Opening Up
29:08 Redefining Success Beyond the Metrics
32:26 Giving Good Advice You Don't Take Yourself
34:49 Severance and the Work-Life Split
38:07 The Hidden Cost of Living a Very Public Life
41:24 When Followers Tell You You've Saved Their Life
44:28 How a Relationship Changed James's Relationship With Work
45:13 Status, Mental Health and the Fear of Losing It
53:01 The Double Standard We Have for Ourselves
55:42 Using Financial Goals as a Coping Mechanism
57:28 Catastrophising as Motivation
01:00:04 Why Every Goal Feels Empty After You Hit It
01:02:51 Fear of Success vs Fear of Failure
01:08:30 The Journey Is the Point — Not Just the Outcome
01:09:18 Sneak Peek: Dr Smith's New Book
01:10:21 Generational Amnesia and the Young People of Today
01:15:08 Closing Takeaways: What Actually Helps
This conversation takes a candid look at the psychology behind overwork, the emotional emptiness that can follow achievement, and the courage required to actually let people in. Dr Smith's clinical perspective on self-compassion, attachment, and the standards we hold ourselves to offers a grounding counterweight to James's trademark candour — and the result is one of the most honest conversations on mental health the podcast has produced.
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