Why compassion collapses with intimates

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This episode, we pause our exploration of the Noble Eightfold Path before returning next week with Right Effort.

This week, Shambhala Publications (my favorite publisher) is reissuing my book, The Buddhist Enneagram. I’m so proud this is happening and I wanted to take this chance to share thoughts on the two wisdom streams that have shaped my life for more than three decades: the Buddhadharma and the Enneagram.

Highlights:

• Why compassion is central to Buddhist teaching and why it can be most difficult in our intimate relationships
• Nine patterns of attention through which we experience the same world
• How understanding these patterns can transform conflict with partners, family, and colleagues
• A personal example of how different Enneagram types notice different things in the same situation
• The three centers of intelligence in the Enneagram: instinctual, emotional, and mental
• How each center responds differently when life does not go our way
• The three instinctual drives that shape each type: self-preservation, social, and intimate connection
• Why these combinations create 27 nuanced ways of being
• How each type carries both an idealization and an avoidance
• Using the Enneagram not to label people but to understand them and remain connected
• How the system can support genuine compassion in everyday life

Music selection:

I share a recording of “Black Night,” most famously associated with musician Charles Brown. The version we listen to features Willie Nelson and Dr. John from the album Milk Cow Blues. I talk about the extraordinary musicians on the track, including producer and guitarist Derek O’Brien, who created the theme music for this podcast. You can also listen to it here.

Get your copy of The Buddhist Enneagram
From March 10 – April 10, you can receive 30% off the new physical edition of The Buddhist Enneagram when you order directly from Shambhala Publications. Use code ENNEAGRAM30 at checkout. If this book has been on your reading list, or if you know someone who might benefit from this perspective on the Enneagram, this is a great time to pick up a copy. Buy yours

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Produced by Citizens of Sound

Music by: Derek O'Brien

©Open Heart Project