Understanding the 'ick' and distancing

We explore how to design a fair, secure-functioning relationship that protects both partners, repairs fast, and prevents repeated harm. Dr. Stan Tatkin explains why instinct fights intimacy and how governance, PEPPER, and daily presence keep love strong under stress.

• human nature as difficult and self-protective 
• difference between difficult and too difficult 
• clean repair and real apology without excuses 
• attachment biology, pair bonding and threat memory 
• the ick as a distancing threat response 
• limits of labels and misuse on social media 
• why “never again” fails and the value of yielding to reminders 
• PEPPER prevention model and post-mortem revise 
• social contracts, shared leadership and putting the couple first 
• daily micro-connection and ongoing courting 
• stop repetition of injuries with systems and agreements

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Dr. Liz Hale: 

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