Three-Layer Love Languages

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Krish Phua, a certified sexologist and intimacy and sexual wellness therapist at Underneath the Moon Singapore, about applying Gary Chapman’s five love languages (physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts) to erotic connection. They address the common misconception that “physical touch” simply means sex or entitles someone to it, emphasizing that physical touch includes many non-sexual forms of contact and that sex involves more than touch alone. Krish frames love languages in three layers—how we express love, how we want to receive it, and how we love ourselves—arguing self-love and self-awareness underpin erotic connection. He shares practical bedroom examples for physical touch (non-goal-oriented body mapping, post-climax connection), acts of service (preparing a calming space), and highlights the power of words of affirmation. They also discuss rebuilding safety, curiosity, and communication to reduce performance pressure.00:00 Show Intro00:45 Episode Setup01:53 Love Languages Basics04:15 Touch Is Not Sex05:13 Erotic Connection Map07:52 Three Layers Framework09:46 Bedroom Examples11:26 Substack Invite13:42 Reconnecting As A Couple18:25 All Five In Bed20:04 Words Of Affirmation21:42 Gifts And Generosity22:23 Where To Find Krish23:26 Podcast OutroSubscribe to Jessa on substack: https://www.intimacywithease.com/substackBio:Krish Phua is a registered Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Intimacy and Sexual Wellness Therapist and certified Clinical Supervisor. He is also a Board-Certified Diplomate and Certified Sexologist with the American Board of Sexology.Since 2013, Krish has served in diverse settings such as counselling centres, recovery centres, clinics, therapy centres, hospitals, prisons, halfway houses, special schools and educational institutions. He provides therapy in individual, couple, family and group contexts, and has facilitated mental health talks and workshops for varied communities.Krish is also an appointed Adjunct Faculty (Lecturer) for counselling and psychology subjects in private educational institutions for adult learners. He regularly publishes professional insights and reflections through blog articles.Krish holds a Master’s degree in Social Science (Professional Counselling) and Master’s degree in Business Administration (International Management).Fluent in English, Mandarin and Cantonese, Krish integrates multicultural perspectives into his therapeutic and academic work.www.underneaththemoon.com

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