When People-Pleasing Backfires

A Quick Note to Listeners:

Before this week’s interview, Will Parker and Jen Schwanke take some time to answer a listener question. This week’s question is:

What Self-Reflection Practices work for you?

Listen in to hear their response! You can find the link to the self-assessment questions mentioned here.

Meet Elizabeth Dampf:

Elizabeth Dampf is a practicing administrator in the Chicagoland area, where she has served at both building and district levels. Her most recent book, Am I Cut Out For This? An Educational Leader’s Guide to Navigating Self Doubt, is available now. She has written several print articles in Educational Leadership and regularly contributes to the ASCD blog. Elizabeth has also spoken on several podcasts, including Leaning into Leadership and Principal Liner Notes.

In this week’s episode of the Principal Matters podcast, Jen Schwanke speaks with school administrator and writer Elizabeth Dampf about the systemic issues creating a divide between teachers and administrators. Sparked by Dampf’s ASCD blog post, “The Cost of Happiness for Education Leaders,” their conversation explores the deep-seeded mistrust in education, the challenges of leading in trying times, and the critical need for empathy when working with others. Dampf provides practical advice and frameworks for building a healthier, more trusting school culture from both the building and systemic levels.

The “Us vs. Them” mentality as a systemic problem:

Elizabeth shared her experiences and belief that the mistrust between teachers and administrators isn’t due to personal failings but is a product of the educational system itself. Teachers face immense pressure and workload, while administrators deal with a lack of job security and constant turnover, creating different priorities and fostering a natural mistrust. 

Build Trust by Attending to Feelings, Not Managing Them:

A leader’s job isn’t to make everyone happy, which is an impossible task. Instead, Elizabeth, referencing Brené Brown, suggests leaders should “attend to” their staff’s feelings by listening and showing empathy. The focus should be on building an environment of professional norms and high expectations for the collective good, rather than trying to please everyone individually.

Empathy is a learnable skill:

When dealing with difficult behavior, Elizabeth advises leaders to ask, “Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do that?” A practical way to build this empathy is to first ask yourself, “Have I ever done that?” The answer to this might be yes— and this self-reflection helps humanize the other person and shifts the focus from judgment to understanding the root cause of their actions.

Prioritize relationships over authority:

New administrators often make the mistake of trying to assert authority immediately. Elizabeth stresses that the first and most critical step is to build trust by focusing on relationships. We can show people we care about them as individuals before introducing any new initiatives or change plans.

Elevate the Teaching Profession:

When asked for one “magic wand” change, Elizabeth pointed out that making teaching a revered, respected, and well-compensated profession would solve many underlying issues. If society valued teachers on par with doctors and lawyers, it would fundamentally improve morale, retention, and the overall health of the education system.

Ultimately, this powerful conversation between Elizabeth and Jen emphasizes that bridging the divide in education requires leaders to lead with empathy, humility, and a focus on building genuine relationships. While systemic problems like high turnover and cultural disrespect for the profession require large-scale change, Elizabeth makes it clear that individual leaders can foster a positive, trusting, and effective community within their own schools by listening, understanding their staff’s perspective, and consistently demonstrating that they care.

Staying Connected:

You can stay connected with Elizabeth Dampf via Linkedin.

The post PMP486: The Cost of Happiness for Education Leaders with Elizabeth Dampf appeared first on Principal Matters.