That obnoxious person. That contractor who ripped you off. That slow driver. That overly enthusiastic exercise instructor. That brusk receptionist. That clingy parent. That friend holding a grudge. That loud neighbor.
They’re not exactly your favorite. They don’t exactly make your life easier. But you know what you need to remember? You need to remember that they are just doing their jobs. “Is a world without shameless people possible?” Marcus Aurelius asks in Meditations. No, it isn’t, he reminds himself. So why am I surprised to find one he says? Somebody has to be that person and this person is it.
In her wonderful book on parenting, Good Inside, Dr. Becky Kennedy discusses what to do when a young child is having a full-on meltdown, what to do when they’re hitting a sibling because they’re upset or frustrated. Of course, your job is to keep them safe, to intervene but as that’s happening, she says we ought to say to ourself, “My child is doing their job of expressing feelings. We are both doing what we need to do. I can handle this.”
That’s what Marcus Aurelius tried to do when he encountered jerks and liars and cheats. That’s what you have to do with the people you encounter in your life. Your kids are kids—it’s their job to freak out sometimes, it’s their job to be kids. At least they’re having fun with it. That overbearing police officer? Someone had to be a bad cop…and they’re it. Sucks for everyone, but definitely for them. Somebody has to be the slow driver, the neighbor that gets on everyone’s nerves, the whatever. This is their assignment.
But our assignment? Like the parent lovingly calming down that angry toddler, our job is to be patient, decent, calm, and understanding. It’s a hard job but it’s a good one. It’s our job.
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And in today's Daily Stoic Journal excerpt, Ryan discusses the importance of questioning our own perspective while trying to understand and empathize with others'.
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