If You’re Going Through a Breakup, Listen To This
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stage 2: Bargaining and Obsession
Jay explains rumination as bargaining to restore attachment and advises journaling and reducing contact to break the cycle.
If a breakup has ever left you feeling physically sick, emotionally lost, and not feeling like yourself, nothing is wrong with you. You’re grieving.
Today, Jay speaks directly to anyone navigating the quiet devastation of heartbreak, reminding them that nothing is “wrong” with them for feeling the way they do. He explains that breakups don’t just hurt emotionally, they activate the same neural pathways as physical pain and withdrawal. What you’re experiencing isn’t weakness or failure; it’s grief. Jay reframes the end of a relationship not simply as losing a person, but as losing a future you imagined, the routines your nervous system depended on, and the version of yourself that existed within that relationship.
Jay walks us through the five stages of breakup grief, showing how numbness is a form of protection, why the mind gets stuck in rumination after loss, and how anger can signal the return of self-respect. Rather than rushing to “move on,” he encourages simple practices like building small routines, writing down obsessive thoughts, setting boundaries, and resisting the highlight reel your mind creates that makes you only remember the good. The stages aren’t a straight line, but a map that helps you move through uncertainty with more grace and self-compassion.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Rebuild Your Routine After a Breakup
How to Break the Cycle of Rumination
How to Express Anger in a Healthy Way
How to Set Boundaries That Protect Your Healing
How to Move Through Sadness Without Rushing It
How to Create Meaning After Loss
Be gentle with yourself in this season. Lean on the people who show up for you. Rebuild your routines slowly. One day, this chapter will no longer be the center of your story, it will be the turning point that makes you wiser, stronger, and more secure in who you are.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
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What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
02:19 Biggest Mistake Made During a Break Up
02:34 You’re Actually Experiencing Grief
07:40 Stage #1: Shock and Denial
10:12 2 Ways to Overcome the Shock
12:58 Stage #2: Bargaining and Obsession
17:45 Stage #3: Anger and Protest
21:49 Stage #4: Sadness and Depression
24:33 Stage #5: Acceptance and Meaning
26:24 This is How You Heal
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