Attachment patterns: pursue-withdraw dynamics

Your co-founder relationship is the single most important variable in your startup's success, and one of the most likely things to destroy it.

Today, Yaniv Bernstein sits down with Dr. Matthew Jones, author of ‘The Cofounder Effect’ and founder of Co-Founder Clarity, to dig into the psychology of co-founder relationships: why they break down and what the warning signs look like.

Matt brings a rare combination of clinical depth and startup-world pragmatism to the topic - an essential skillset to help you properly understand common co-founder pitfalls, and how to avoid them.

In this episode, you will:

• Learn what 'negative sentiment override' is, why it's the tipping point in a deteriorating co-founder relationship, and how to catch it before it takes hold.

• Discover how the co-founder relationship is structurally different from a marriage, and why that means you have to deliberately repair and reconnect with your co-founder.

• Hear why power dynamics in founding teams are almost always present and are often more destructive when left unnamed.

• Find out why being able to navigate conflict is more important than finding the 'right' co-founder pairing.

• Understand the risks of identity fusion with your startup, and why professional distance is a feature rather than a weakness.

• Learn why co-founder agreements need to evolve over time, and what a healthy renegotiation looks like.

• Explore the unique dynamics of three- and four-person founding teams, including the coalition patterns that tend to emerge and why they're so destructive.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Dr. Matthew Jones’ website, Co-Founder Clarity (his coaching practice): https://www.cofounderclarity.com

• ‘The Founder's Dilemmas’ by Noam Wasserman: https://www.amazon.com/Founders-Dilemmas-Anticipating-Princeton-Entrepreneurship/dp/0691158304

• 'Knowing This Data Will Make You A Better Fundraiser', the TSP episode with Carta's Head of Insights, Peter Walker: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7aI9NeIVZ7JqkSH2OsizBF

• The Gottman Institute - the research behind 'negative sentiment override' discussed in this episode: https://www.gottman.com

• Dr. Matthew Jones on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-matthew-jones-7a832a37/ 

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Key links

This episode of the Startup Podcast is sponsored by .tech domains. Forget weird prefixes and creative misspellings; the availability for .tech domains is simply way better than .com. For a clean name that highlights your tech credentials, get a .tech domain at your favorite registrar.

This episode of the Startup Podcast is sponsored by Vanta. Vanta helps businesses get and stay compliant by automating up to 90% of the work for the most in demand compliance frameworks. With over 200 integrations, you can easily monitor and secure the tools your business relies on. For a limited time offer of US$1,000 off, go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://⁠www.vanta.com/tsp⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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The Startup Podcast website: https://www.tsp.show/episodes/

Learn more about Chris and Yaniv

Work 1:1 with Chris: http://chrissaad.com/advisory/  

Follow Chris on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chrissaad/  

Follow Yaniv on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ybernstein/

Producer: Justin McArthur https://www.linkedin.com/in/justin-mcarthur

Intro Voice: Jeremiah Owyang https://web-strategist.com/