Beha's Mystical Teenage Experience

Former Harper’s Magazine editor Christopher Beha on his journey from skeptical Atheism to skeptical Christianity.

Watch the video of this episode on YouTube here.

For many people, faith and skepticism are opposites, but novelist and former Harper’s Magazine editor Christopher Beha argues that the two may be more intertwined than we assume. In this conversation about his new book, Why I’m Not an Atheist, Beha reflects on his journey from a devout Catholic upbringing to atheism and eventually back to Christian faith.

Beha describes how an early mystical experience and later personal tragedy pushed him into deep questions about suffering, prayer, and the nature of belief. In college, those questions led him to identify as a skeptic, valuing reason and intellectual independence. Yet over time he came to see that skepticism itself has limits. The turning point came not through philosophical argument but through life itself, like falling in love and becoming part of a family. Those experiences prompted Beha to return to church, where he began hearing familiar Christian teachings in a new way: not primarily as moral demands or metaphysical propositions, but as a story centered on love and relationship–without setting aside his questions.

Together, Russell and Chris reflect on what it means to believe while still wrestling with doubt, how parents might talk with children who are questioning faith, and why the path toward belief often begins not with certainty but with simply showing up.

If you’ve wrestled with the Christian life being sold as putting aside all questions and doubt to choose unwavering certainty, you may appreciate hearing from Chris. 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Why I Am Not an Atheist by Christopher Beha

• Essays by Michel  de Montaigne

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