Why You Miss Hot-and-Cold Partners

For the 200th episode, Sabrina tackles the question she gets asked more than anything: how do you actually believe you're enough? This one breaks down where insecurity really comes from, why "just have more confidence" is bullshit advice, and what social psychologist Mark Leary's sociometer theory reveals about self esteem, rejection, and why one mean comment drowns out a hundred compliments.

If you grew up with conditional love, keep dating emotionally unavailable people, or can't stop missing someone who ran hot and cold, this episode is for you. Sabrina covers how to build real self trust, the difference between anxiety and intuition, why intermittent reinforcement feels like addiction, and the five source check questions that will show you exactly whose voice has been running your internal monologue. Plus the "for now" reframe that will change how you think about being single, stuck, or starting over.

Pre-order Sabrina's book coming out October 2026,⁠ "Why Am I Like This?"⁠

If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step  ⁠HERE!⁠

If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself ⁠HERE!⁠

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Chapters:

00:00 Why You Feel Like You're Not Enough

01:39 Self Worth Is Not Bubble Baths

04:40 Insecurity Is An Adaptation

06:21 Why Confidence Comes Before Action

10:36 The Sociometer Self Esteem Gauge

12:24 Why You Pick Emotionally Unavailable People

23:43 Building Self Trust In Dating

25:50 Anxiety Vs Intuition

28:40 Missing Someone Who Was Bad For You

32:17 Tool Of The Week: The Source Check

Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity.

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