Intro

Episode Highlights With Paul

• What horizontal relationships are and why they matter
• How vertical dynamics create shame and resistance
• The nervous system connection in parenting and how this can help us be more connected and effective in relationship with our children 
• How Freud and Richard Adler differed on the topic of horizontal relationships and trauma
• Practical examples for shifting into horizontal parenting
• The flaw with superior positions in relationships and how this robs us of our confidence and autonomy 
• “Self sacrifice” and how it's a nobler term for self abandonment and how we program this into our kids
• How the vertical side uses extreme circumstances to argue for vertical relationships
• Why connection > control in raising autonomous adults
• How repair builds lifelong trust
• How this approach makes you a better leader everywhere else in your life
• Utility verticality vs relational verticality 
• Reputation and the puppet strings it has on us as human beings and how this comes into play in parenting
• It isn’t that the strong survive.. It is the connected that survive 
• Punishment: So much of punishment is laziness on the parents part and the fear of reputation
• It isn’t about just changing the behavior but addressing the underlying reason and capacity 
• Forgiveness isn’t the letting go of what happened but the softening of the blame 
• There are over 400 unique characteristics that will emerge in your child regardless of how you parent them
• How this can create space for a both/and instead of an either/or in parenting 
• Guilt perpetuated by reputation and verticality 
• After age 7, our role as a parent is to be a safe place for a child's exploration of themselves

Resources Mentioned

• Paul's website and his Instagram
• What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk 
• Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Paul Levine
• Kiss Me Like a Stranger: My Search for Love and Art by Gene Wilder

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