Redefining Sobriety and Social Norms

Hey Lifers!

Welcome back to Ask Uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions!
How do you feel about group saunas? Are they good for a bit of a group therapy session or human stew? 

Vibes for the week can be found here!
Britt: Tom organic period cup
Keeshia: The Shocking Effects of 500 Days Without Alcohol - Mark Manson
Laura: Koala Suffolk Chair

Then we get into your questions!

DO I CATCH UP WITH HER OR LEAVE IT
I had this girlfriend I’d only known for a short time through work. Early in our friendship, just a couple of months in, she asked me for advice on proposing to her boyfriend. I encouraged her to go for it and a few weeks later I found myself hiding behind a beach umbrella, camera in hand, capturing her proposal. Not long after, she asked me to be her bridesmaid. I was flattered and accepted, although I was a bit surprised given how new our friendship was. Then, the wedding was postponed for a year due to a venue mixup. Life got busy for both of us, but I made an effort to stay in touch, regularly checking in. Her responses were few and far between, until one day out of the blue, she sent me a long text telling me she didn’t want me at the bridal party anymore. She claimed I was the reason we’d drifted apart but said she still wanted me in her life. Yet, when the wedding finally happened, I wasn’t invited at all. A few months after the wedding, she messaged me saying she wanted to catch up. Now, I’m torn: should I take the high road and give her a second chance, or cut ties since she was the one who cut me off first? We still have mutual friends, so it’s likely we’ll run into each other at some point. 

NO MORE BABY TALK
My best friend sometimes makes comments when we are out for dinner with our closest girl group like ‘no more baby talk’. It’s a punch in the gut for me. This year my entire life has been consumed with my baby. I was on family leave and just started back up at work now. At this point of my life, all of it revolves around my baby. I feel confused and don’t know who I am any more, I feel like I have nothing else to talk about, and to my friends who I love dearly, I’m boring them. Normally I wouldn’t want to care what people think of me, but her opinion of me really matters. My best friend does want to have kids (but in a few years). I guess my question is, how do I navigate this friendship, since we are both at different stages of our life? How do I navigate the comments? How do I find myself again? I sometimes miss the old me (freedom and time to do things I want to do), but I especially miss the old me when I feel I’m boring my best friends and have nothing else to contribute. Or how do I care less about this?

NOT READY FOR MY MUM TO MEET MY NEW BOYFRIEND
I’m going away on an overseas holiday with my new boyfriend. We have only been dating for 2-3 months but a holiday is a holiday so why not! My mum is actually going overseas (not with us) at the same time and our flights come in on the same day around the same time. My mum has asked if we can give her a lift home from the airport. It’s only early days in the relationship and a long 2 hr drive home from the airport. This might possibly be the first time she and he meet and I’m not ready for that. I don’t know how to say no without feeling guilty and if I tell her I’m not ready for her to meet him she won’t understand. I know she will take over the car ride home and won’t stop yapping or complaining. I’m feeling so anxious about it already. I’m 35 yrs old if age helps with context.

Keeshia mentioned a great conversation about going sober and alcoholism with Emily Weir & you can listen here

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