Masking, Chameleon Behavior, and Stalled Growth

Hey Team!

We often talk about the "internal" struggles of ADHD, the messy desks and the forgotten appointments, but we don't always talk about how the outside world reacts to those traits. I'm joined by Brooke Schnittman, an ADHD coach and the best-selling author of Activate Your ADHD Potential. Brooke has worked with thousands of individuals to help them develop sustainable systems for focus and emotional regulation, but today, she's here to talk about a global study she conducted on the link between ADHD and bullying.

So in today's episode, we're talking about how this study was conducted and what we can garner from that data. We also discuss the "invisible disability" penalty, where our symptoms are misinterpreted as character flaws, and how "masking" can actually prevent us from progressing because we're too busy being chameleons. And we also cover some practical ways to identify safe people and build a "reciprocal" support system that helps buffer against the impact of chronic criticism.

If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/283

YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/y835cnrk

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/HackingYourADHD

This Episode's Top Tips

1. 1. When faced with a threat or bullying, the ADHD brain often experiences a physiological "freeze" where the parasympathetic nervous system takes over. It's important for us to understand that we're not always in control of this shift, and not to be self-critical about how we react in the moment and give ourselves grace to do better in the future.
   2. To effectively manage a bullying situation, we have to understand the framework: repetition, power imbalance, and harm. Recognizing that a power imbalance can be "social status" or "neurotypical norms" rather than just a boss-employee hierarchy allows us to identify why a situation feels "off".
   3. Many ADHDers stay in bullying situations because the executive function required to leave (interviewing, onboarding, starting over) feels more overwhelming than the bullying itself. Shifting the perspective to "body data"—how your nervous system feels around that person—can be a more reliable indicator than your internal pro/con list.
   4. Since bullying often triggers a survival response that shuts down your executive functions, you can't rely on logic in the moment. To combat this, Brooke suggests focusing on nervous system regulation tools (like EMDR or grounding) to help your body feel safe again. You have to train your brain before the situation occurs so that "doing X when Y happens" becomes a more automatic habit.