Rejection sensitivity and shame spirals

"There's no way you have ADHD." That's what the psychiatrist said to me, right before he laughed out loud. Why? Because I had a PhD, a job as a professor, and a marriage.

In his mind, my "success" canceled out my struggle. That moment was my first lesson in self-advocacy, and it sparked a journey that changed everything.

Ten years later, I'm sharing the 10 things I wish I could go back and tell that version of myself and anyone else navigating a late ADHD diagnosis. Today in episode 348, we're covering:

• Why understanding your brain's need for stimulation, cognitive flexibility, and working memory can transform how you approach daily life with ADHD
• How masking and rejection sensitivity quietly drain your energy and keep you stuck — and what to do about it
• The counterintuitive truth about self-acceptance and why it's the foundation for lasting change

Work With Me:

• Discover Your ADHD Overwhelm Type - Free Quiz!
• Join We're Busy Being Awesome (group coaching)
• Learn more about private coaching here
• Enroll in Overwhelm to Action - step by step course for ADHD Brains

Resources From This Episode:

• Learn about Rejection Sensitivity Here
• Learn about ADHD Masking Here
• Learn about Working Memory Here
• Learn How to Deal with ADHD Boredom and Understimulation

More ADHD Resources:

• Discover my favorite ADHD resources
• Learn my Top 10 Tips to Work With Your ADHD Brain
• Access the I'm Busy Being Awesome Planning System
• Get the I'm Busy Being Awesome Podcast Roadmap
• Free course: ADHD Routine Revamp

This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. Disclosure info here.

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Chapter Outline

0:00 Dismissed on the Phone: The Laugh That Started It All

1:54 10 Years Later: Birthday Reflection & Why This Episode Matters

6:13 Today's Format: A Letter to My Newly Diagnosed Self (10 Things)

7:57 Falling Asleep & Understimulation

10:52 Meds Help, But Pills Don't Teach Skills

14:04 Cognitive Flexibility: Why Transitions and Plan Changes Hurt

16:47 Notes Aren't 'Cheating': Working Memory, Lectures & the Teleprompter

20:55 The Exhaustion of Masking (and How It Gets Better)

23:19 When People Doubt Your Diagnosis: Trust Your Experience

25:25 Rejection Sensitivity: The Shame Spiral Behind Avoidance

28:07 Knowing Better ≠ Doing Instantly: Give Yourself Time to Change

30:10 Self-Acceptance Is the Real Catalyst for Growth

31:53 Your Emotions Are Not Too Much

33:22 Recap of the 10 Lessons

34:17 Closing: Reflect, Share, and Next Steps