366: [Soapbox] Should i tell her about the viagra?
Better Sex
Problems from guessing and inconsistency
Jessa discusses how guessing right or wrong creates confusion and may lead the partner to personalize erection variability.
In this soapbox episode of The Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman responds to a coaching-call question: whether to tell a partner when you’ve taken Viagra. She describes a client who has a prescription, experiences no negative side effects, and has been taking the medication without telling his wife to avoid creating pressure or expectations for sex. Jessa explains that Viagra helps maintain an erection rather than automatically causing one, so taking it without having sex isn’t inherently harmful, but guessing can lead to mismatches—sometimes he’s prepared and sometimes he isn’t—potentially leaving his wife confused or personalizing inconsistent erections. She suggests considering a daily medication like Cialis for more spontaneity and encourages an honest conversation that leads with the intention to avoid pressure, clarifies there are no adverse effects if sex doesn’t happen, and invites the partner into shared decision-making, including the option for the partner to initiate by suggesting he take a pill if she’s interested in sex. She closes by encouraging listeners to communicate in ways that reduce pressure while increasing collaboration and connection.
00:00 Welcome to Better Sex (Podcast Intro)
00:45 Soapbox Topic: Should You Tell Your Partner You Took Viagra?
01:35 The Real Issue: Guessing, Mixed Signals & Partner Anxiety
02:08 Quick Viagra Myth-Busting: What It Does (and Doesn’t) Do
03:31 Practical Options: Daily Cialis vs. Planning Ahead
03:55 How to Bring It Up Without Creating Pressure
05:01 Invite Your Partner In: Shared Decision-Making & Desire Signals
05:59 Wrap-Up: Communicate About ED Meds as a Team
06:18 Outro, Links, Reviews & Credits
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More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
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