Bring Someone Distant to Mind

Research shows that reflecting on our shared humanity can increase self-compassion and life satisfaction while reducing feelings of isolation. In this practice, Dacher Keltner guides us to look beneath our differences and connect with the qualities that make us human together.

This guided exercise draws on a meditation by Sean Fargo, a mindfulness teacher and former Buddhist monk.

How To Do This Practice:

1. Settle your body: Sit comfortably and take a few slow, steady breaths. Let your shoulders drop, soften your jaw, and allow your body to feel supported by the ground or chair beneath you.
2. Notice what’s here: Briefly scan your body and emotions. Whatever you’re feeling—calm, tense, distracted, open—simply acknowledge it without trying to change it.
3. Bring someone to mind: Think of someone you don’t know well, feel distant from, or have mild tension with. Picture them as if they were in front of you.
4. Reflect on your similarities: Silently repeat phrases like: This person has a body and mind, just like me; this person has felt sadness, joy, and pain, just like me; this person wants to be safe, loved, and understood, just like me.
5. Gently extend kind intentions toward them: May you be well. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.
6. Return and reflect: Bring your attention back to your breath and body. Notice if anything has shifted—perhaps a softening, a little more space, or a sense of connection—and carry that awareness into your day.

This episode was supported by a grant from The John Templeton Foundation on Spreading Love Through the Media.

Related Happiness Break episodes:

A Meditation for When You Feel Uneasy: https://tinyurl.com/4x27ut3p

A Meditation to Connect With Your Roots: https://tinyurl.com/ycy9xazc

A Mindful Breath Meditation, With Dacher Keltner: https://tinyurl.com/mr9d22kr

Related The Science of Happiness episodes:  

Why Compassion Requires Vulnerability: https://tinyurl.com/yxw4uhpf

How to Feel More Hopeful: https://tinyurl.com/4tfwhbpb

How Holding Yourself Can Reduce Stress: https://tinyurl.com/2hvhkwe6

Follow us on Instagram: @ScienceOfHappinessPod

We’d love to hear about your experience with this practice! Share your thoughts at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or use the hashtag #happinesspod.

Find us on Apple Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/2p9h5aap

Help us share Happiness Break! Leave a 5-star review and share this link: https://tinyurl.com/2p9h5aap

Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/4ju7rmtd