I Can't Bring Myself to It, I Cant Do It, Why Am I Still?

'Good God,' he cried, 'Can it be... that I shall really take an axe?' He was shaking like a leaf as he said this. "'I knew that I could never bring myself to it, so what have I been torturing myself for till now?' But why am I going over it again then? Why am I hesitating?" "The very thought of it made me sick and filled me with horror"