Curiosity can clarify awkward norms

Brené Brown shares a tipping example to show that direct, respectful questions often work better than guessing when social rules feel ambiguous.

Play episode from 01:02:21

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Episode notes

Brené and Adam discuss the power — and peril — of the words we choose. They dive into two Machiavellian communication tools that often do more harm than good: the "Invisible Army" and "BS Disclaimers". Brené explains why leading with “we” or “but” often comes across as requesting permission to escape accountability, which ultimately sacrifices trust more than anything. Adam explores how these tools can sometimes serve as survival strategies in toxic cultures, leading to a conversation on psychological safety, groupthink, and why precision of language is more important than ever — especially in a world that still judges based on gender and identity.

You can find The Curiosity Shop on ⁠YouTube⁠ and ⁠Instagram⁠ (@thecuriosityshop).

0:00 - Introduction

1:10 - The Invisible Army

15:23 - Speaking Up and Pluribus

21:26 - ‘But’ or Escaping Accountability?

40:59 - Responsibility Versus Accountability

46:22 - Judgment Based on Gender and Identity

1:01:55 - Takeaways From Today’s Episode

Armored Versus Daring Leadership, Part 2 of 2 - Brené Brown, 2021, Dare to Lead (Podcast)

Getting credit for proactive behavior: Supervisor reactions depend on what you value and how you feel - Grant et al., 2009, Personnel Psychology

Plur1bus - Gilligan et al., 2025 - Present, Sony Pictures; Apple TV+ (TV series)

Does Performance Improve Following Multisource Feedback? A Theoretical Model, Meta-Analysis, and Review of Empirical Findings - Smither et al., 2005, Personnel Psychology