Hosts' Discussion: Couples Therapy Perspective

If you struggle with people-pleasing and losing yourself in relationships, this episode with Ingrid Clayton, a licensed clinical psychologist and expert in relational trauma, about her book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, is a conversation that can help you understand and transform patterns holding you back. 

Exploring fawning, which is a lesser-known trauma response shaped by caretaking, appeasement, and self-abandonment, you’ll learn how it often shows up as anxiety and hypervigilance. 

And, through personal and client stories, you’ll gain insights on reclaiming authenticity, navigating backlash, and starting the process of “unfawning.”

Listen and Learn:

• Why do some people cope with relational trauma by becoming overly accommodating or pleasing?
• How people-pleasing might actually be your nervous system choosing safety in ways that once protected you, but could now be quietly shaping your identity and relationships without you realizing it, and what it actually takes to reconnect with who you are
• How chronic fawning can look like emotional strength on the outside while quietly disconnecting you from your own anxiety and body
• How what looks like dishonesty can actually be a survival response that once kept you safe, and what it takes to notice when it starts keeping you stuck
• How tuning into what you notice in your body can be the first uncomfortable but powerful step to breaking people-pleasing patterns and building more authentic relationships
• Why red flags can feel like home after emotional abuse and how learning to trust your own resentment might be the first step toward building a truly safe relationship

Resources:

• Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9798217045327 
• Ingrid’s Website: https://www.ingridclayton.com/ 
• Connect with Ingrid on Social Media:
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IngridClaytonPhD 
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ingridclaytonphd/ 
• Substack: https://substack.com/@ingridclaytonphd 
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PvWTgJMirURfgHWj3h28g 

About Ingrid Clayton

Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology.  She’s had a thriving private practice for more than sixteen years and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, where her blog “Emotional Sobriety” has had more than a million views.  She lives in Los Angeles, California. 

Book: Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves--and How to Find Our Way Back: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9798217045327

Related Episodes:

• 305. The Power of Saying No with Vanessa Patrick
• 186. Set Boundaries Find Peace with Nedra Tawwab 
• 276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson  
• 308. Identifying and Surviving Gaslighting with Robin Stern 
• 263. Relationships with Emotionally Immature People with Lindsay Gibson 
• 383. What My Bones Know: C-PTSD with Stephanie Foo
• 417. Busting Trauma Treatment Myths with Emi Nietfeld
• 416. Trauma and PTSD Treatment with Robyn Walser

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