Q: Shame After a Hookup and Moving On

Casual sex gets a bad reputation — but most of that reputation comes from doing it wrong. When it's rushed, unspoken, or emotionally misaligned, it can leave you feeling used, confused, or chasing someone who was never on the same page. But when you approach it with self-awareness and a willingness to actually say what you want, it can be exactly what you need.

In this episode, I'm breaking down what conscious casual sex actually looks like — the different forms it can take, how to know if it's right for you right now, and the two things that separate a genuinely satisfying hookup from one that sends you into a shame spiral.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The real difference between casual sex and hookup culture — and why "casual" doesn't have to mean disposable, careless, or emotionally disconnected

• How to know if casual sex is actually a good fit for you right now, including the one attachment pattern that almost always makes it backfire

• What to say before, during, and after a casual encounter to make sure your needs actually get met — and how to navigate hooking up within a friend group without blowing everything up

More Dr. Emily: 

• Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply).5

• Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! 

• Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.

• The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure

• Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website

• Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube

• Let’s text: Sign up here

• Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.

Chapters:

0:00 - What Makes Casual Sex Satisfying?

1:43 - Defining Casual Sex (It's Not Just Hookup Culture)

3:59 - Surprising Research: Casual Sex Trends by Generation

5:44 - The Benefits of Casual Sex

8:23 - The Downsides & Risks to Know

10:37 - How to Know If Casual Sex Is Right for You

12:20 - How to Find & Communicate With Casual Partners

17:51 - Best Casual Sex Advice From Dr. Emily's Audience

20:12 - Listener Q&A: Orgasming Through Oral Sex

23:46 - Listener Q&A: Casual Sex After a Long-Term Relationship

27:06 - Listener Q&A: Shame & Regret After a Hookup

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices