My Mormon Mission in Russia Almost Broke Me - Kyson Dana | Ep. 2111
Mormon Stories Podcast
Early Rexburg years and identity
Kyson recounts moving to Rexburg, seminary, scripture study, and the emergence of self-policing and perfectionism.
⚠️Trigger Warning: This episode includes discussions of violence, self-harm, suicide, and religious trauma.
In this deeply vulnerable and wide-ranging conversation, Kyson Dana shares his story of growing up Mormon, serving a mission in Russia, and the lifelong psychological, spiritual, and physical consequences that followed. What was supposed to be the “best two years” of his life became the most traumatic –shaping his identity, mental health, and eventual departure from the Church.
Kyson opens up about generational trauma, internalized shame, self-policing, and suicidal ideation in his youth. He walks us through the intense pressure to be perfect, the weaponization of guilt and obedience, and how Mormonism taught him to disconnect from himself in order to survive.
We dive deeply into the realities of missionary life in Russia: shrinking missions, violence, threats, abductions, murders, leadership silence, and explicit instructions NOT to tell families what was happening. Kyson recounts being told not to come home unless it was “in a coffin,” enduring extreme fasting, psychological abuse, and witnessing acts of violence that were never processed or acknowledged.
Beyond the mission, Kyson shares how this trauma followed him into adulthood –fueling panic disorder, Complex PTSD, and a prolonged faith crisis. He discusses therapy, EMDR, creative work, and the careful, supported use of psychedelics as part of healing. We also explore his work helping teens navigate shame-based purity culture, pornography narratives (“Fight the new drug!”), and the dangerous conflation of morality with normal human behavior.
This episode is about far more than Mormonism –it’s about identity, belonging, survival, and what it takes to come back to yourself after an institution teaches you to turn yourself off.
If you’ve ever felt broken by a system that promised salvation, you’re not alone.
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