Co-regulation: leaders calm to help others think

We often think our reactions at work are about what’s happening in the moment: a frustrating colleague, a difficult conversation, or a stressful situation.

But what if those reactions are actually coming from somewhere else?

For many managers, moments of irritation, defensiveness, or emotional overwhelm can feel confusing or even unprofessional. But these responses aren’t random and they’re not a sign that something is wrong with you.

Fortunately, this week’s guest explains how our past experiences shape our present-day interactions and how developing self-awareness can help us respond more thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically.

Nidhi Tewari is a therapist and leadership expert who helps individuals and organizations build emotional intelligence, navigate interpersonal dynamics, and create healthier, more connected workplaces.

In this conversation, we explore why certain people trigger us, how to recognize when your reaction is disproportionate to the moment, and a simple framework you can use to regulate your emotions and lead more effectively. We also discuss how to support team members through difficult moments without crossing the line into becoming their therapist.

Conversation Topics

• (00:00) Introduction
• (01:41) The Science of Attunement: How We Sync With Others
• (03:38) Body Language, Energy, and Emotional Contagion
• (05:11) Attuning to Organizational Culture and Unspoken Norms
• (06:37) Case Study: Supporting Neurodivergent Teams
• (08:28) The CHECK-IN Framework for Difficult Conversations
• (13:32) Attunement in Remote Work: What Changes
• (15:56) Spotting Behavioral Shifts and Subtle Signals
• (17:18) Connection Gaps: Why Conversations Break Down
• (23:27) From Fixer to Explorer + A Story of Great Leadership
• (32:41) [Extended Episode Only] How to support employees while maintaining boundaries
• (36:52) [Extended Episode Only] The importance of normalizing and validating emotions
• (39:21) [Extended Episode Only] The right way to refer employees to additional support

📚 Additional Resources:

✨ Get the extended episode by joining The Modern Manager Podcast+ Community for just $15 per month

✨ Read the full transcript: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ewlJYvzfKfIScl9mrdHqd61HTW_TuSJKoJGRGse6qEs/edit?usp=sharing 

✨Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leadershipwithmamie/ 

✨Visit my website for more: https://www.mamieks.com/ 

✨Upskill your team: https://themodernmanager.com/replaybundle 

✨Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7jhYz8b16g1SsLia4EhO5w?sub_confirmation=1 

Keep up with Nidhi Tewari

- Follow Nidhi on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nidhitewarilcsw/?hl=en

- Visit her website: https://www.nidhitewari.com

- Check out her book Working Well: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/788782/working-well-by-nidhi-tewari-msw-lcsw-foreword-by-amy-cuddy/

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The Modern Manager is a leadership podcast for rockstar managers who want to create a working environment where people thrive and great work gets done.

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