She Needs You to Do for Her What Your Mam Didn't Do for You

I think it's just hard for me when, well, one night i feel like i'm not getting in of practice at this. You can notice things without beating yourself up about it. And then, course, correct. Can't do anything wrong. We're just noticing. So just notice how ye abandoned little girl a minute ago and went back to talking to me. Ya, bas ok. I'm just saying, don't criticize yourself for notice it. Be the mom she didn't have. She needs to hear that."

Play episode from 22:50

chevron_right

Transcript

chevron_right

Transcript

Episode notes

This episode is about healing wounds, feminine or masculine. Today's caller, Emily, wants to heal her sister wound. She has struggled with feeling judged or rejected by other women and fears being vulnerable with them. She would like guidance on how to make new female connections without being anxious. Anyone who may have wounds from their past when it comes to belonging will benefit from listening to this session.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode331]

When we are teased, bullied, or have a strict, oppressive, or critical parent we develop an inner critic. Our inner critic can be much worse to us than the original offender was. Because we think if we are harder on ourselves than they were to us we will be more equipped to handle the adversity and pain. We believe it will hurt less when others do it. But, when we have a fierce inner critic it is impossible to be authentically ourselves.

When it comes to making friends and being vulnerable we have to dim down the voice of our inner critic. Because our inner critic creates fear and doubt within ourselves and puts up walls, masks, and facades. But, when we show up authentic and honest we are lovable. We fit right in.

Remember, childhood wounds are not something we heal in a few days. Part of the healing is to become aware of our patterns and practice transforming them.

We heal the sister wound by getting honest and vulnerable with our sisters.

Listeners of this show are invited to attend a free training session from Steven Kessler. His The Secret to Better Relationships: Let the Insight of 5 Personality Patterns will show you how to create thriving relationships. To register for the Wednesday, January 19th session at 11 am PST or 2 pm EST, go to ChristineHassler.com/Steven.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have a wound when it comes to belonging and making friends?
If you identify as a woman, do you have a sister wound and find it hard to make friends with other women?
Did you grow up in a family with a parent or step-parent that was super critical of you and now you have a worse inner critic?
Is it often hard for you to be vulnerable and to feel seen? Do you second guess yourself when it comes to interactions with other people?

Emily's Question:

Emily struggles with vulnerability, judgment, and rejection and would like guidance on how to heal her sister wound.

Emily's Key Insights and Ahas:

She feels anxiety when making new connections or strengthening existing connections.
She gets stuck in her head a lot.
She fears being judged, rejected, and vulnerable.
She attended the Inner Child workshop.
She wants authentic relationships.
Her inner critic keeps her from being authentic.
At age 7, her parents divorced.
Her mom had a 15-year relationship with someone who was critical of her.
She felt her mom didn't protect her.
She feels anger toward women.
She does not feel a sense of belonging with other women but she wants to be part of the group.
She has competing intentions.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Journal about what she learned about women and what she thinks relationships with women could be.
When interacting with women, keep herself present.
When with a woman, or a group of women, internally remind herself that the past is the past. She is in the present and no one is judging her.
Console her inner child and provide her with the protection she didn't get from her mother.
Initiate a friendship with a woman she can be vulnerable with.
Talk to her inner critic in compassionate ways.

Takeaways: